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Isaiahsaid
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Name: Josh
Birthday: 4/26/1987
Interests: Eryka Badu, Brand New, Brandston, Breaking Pangaea, Coheed and Cambria, The Cure, Dashboard Confessional, Death Cab for Cutie, Bob Dylan, Echo and the Bunnymen, Elliott, Fairweather, Fionna Apple, The Format, Franz Furdinand, Further Seems Forever, The Get Up Kids, Ben Harper, I Can Make a Mess Like Nobody's Business, Ima Robot, Jimmy Eat World, Mae, The Magic Magicians, Bob Marley, Minus the Bear, Modest Mouse, No Doubt, Ok Go, Pedro the Lion, Placebo, The Postal Service, Q and not U, RX Bandits, Saves the Day, Say Anything, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Six Parts Seven, The Smiths, Something Corporate, Stellastar*, The Starting Line, Sunny Day Real Estate, Sublime, Taking Back Sunday, Thursday, Weezer, ect.
Expertise: Making a mess of things
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  lsaiahsaid
Member Since:
10/3/2004
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| UGH...that is my statement to the world these days....I feel like I have outgrown my past and haven't yet grown into my future...my father and I have been at each others necks non stop these days (me pushing for more freedom and him pushing to keep me under control)...I wish we would have found this balance earlier. It just sucks because I feel like I have worked so hard for so many things and he doesn't want me to have them. Like Germany...I should be in fucking Germany right now, he had no right to stop me from going (IT WAS A FULL SCHOLARSHIP) I am just biting my time before I can escape this house and this place (so dramatic, but hey, a dramatic night calls for some drama). Ugh and college, I have taken so many fucking AP classes and college classes and he wants me to go to community college and after that UMBC (a science and math oriented school). Does he not know me at all?? Has he ever once seen me take interest in math or science?? I haven't applied to any schools (not that that is his fault, even though every time I bring up a school he finds 20 reasons why I shouldn't go there) and he hasn't said one word about it...ugh...I feel so immature writting about this...normally I can handel his crap, it is just that I feel like he is hindering my life now and it's affects are everywhere and they weren't always so apparent to me. Who knows? Maybe I just need to be on my own so I can figure some stuff out and then find my own path with out his help because I can't live life for him. | | |
| So Eric hates me...I can't say that I blame him. I tried too hard to make us friends right after we broke up and he just wasn't ready. I think he needs to hate me for awhile, so he can get over me (maybe he already is). And all this anger towards me has kind of helped me too because any scrap of attracktion I had left for him is dead now.
I am grounded, which sucks...a bunch of time to myself with nothing to do (an over analyzers nightmare). I kind of sort of met a new boy. We have only hung out once, but so far I like him a lot. So we'll see how that works out. I think I get stupid when I am around him...but maybe it was just that day.
Oh man, the strangest part about the Eric situation is that Steve and him are kind of seeing each other now. And Steve likes him (a lot from what I can tell)...it's really cute. But kind of tragic since Eric isn't in a spot where he can be open to a new relationship. I can see it ethier turning out really really good or tragically tragically bad. But hey that is their drama, not mine. | | |
| so life has been really good for me lately. I am not really stressed about anything...maybe it is denial. I probably should be looking at college applications and other things related, but I really don't think I want to go right into that...and I know that sounds like a cop out, but I want to experience things and be young before I start my career...I mean with all my AP crap and these classes I am taking at the communty college, I could have my associates the semester after I graduate and then what? A four-year?? I am too young and too something to go into that so soon and to have to deal with those kids...I want to take my time in life....I am sick of America's tendency to rush everything along. Let me walk down the seenic route and enjoy life instead of cramming everything in so I can get to the next step...I don't even want my live to move in steps; I want it to flow into each phase as I grow and feel that I am ready to embark on it...and I am not going to put a time limit on it; I might take a year off, I might take ten, but at least I'll know when I get there that I didn't waste my life: I lived it. | | |
| So I am...I don't even know what I am...I feel like I am drifting down a river and people are yelling at me from the sides to swim to the edge and I just ignore them and keep drifting...but it's a good thing... | | |
| Life is good...and because of this I am going to try to focus all of my energy on living life in the moment (opposed to analyzing the hell out of it). So I am going to leave that statement as it is and not explain anymore... | | |
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